The day I turned 18 I got a job at a very worn down pub in my hometown. After a few months of working behind the bar the owner found out I played guitar and asked me to organise and run a weekly acoustic open mic night. And that’s where I met her.
Just under 3 years ago I heard this girl sing and I felt like a freight train had driven straight into my chest. I had to know her, it was love at first sound. We sang together, talked all night and gradually got closer and closer. Yesterday it all ended.
I know most people will think that a long term relationship means very little when you’re 20. But she was there when I transitioned from an adolescent to a young adult. She helped me get through university and work on a career. And as friends fleeted in and out of my life, she was the one constant factor I could always depend on. Now I’m alone. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been single before but this time it’s different, I’ve never felt like a part of me was missing. I guess that it’s not the end of the relationship or the pain this heartbreak has caused that I find to be the worst part. The worst part it easily just how scared I am. I’ve never been single as a young adult, I have no idea how to respond to people asking me what I’m going to do. I’m in a whole new town with only a handful of friends and for the first time I feel like I’m going to have to face the big scary world on my own. I had plans and dreams - I still do - but I feel like a face has been cut out of every future photograph I take. We used to talk about moving, getting dogs and what jobs we’d do; now all I can see her as is wasted time and effort. We live together which makes it worse, even if we do live with 3 of her friends also, I can only see this being awkward and painful.
I don’t hate her, or at least I don’t think I do. Honestly, I saw it coming - It feels horrible for me to type that or think it - but it’s true. Over the past few months, as we’ve been approaching the end of university, it has become clear that a lot of our values are out of sync. But still all the terms of endearment bounce around inside my head, the memories and moments we shared are permanently scarred onto my mind. I’m in so much pain.
I’m just a boy that hopes this gets easier.
#Just A Boy